Saturday, November 20, 2010

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? 

Ha ha, I love that this depressing question comes after my recent post of how happy I am.

Oh well, right? Day 26! woot! :)

To answer the question simply, Yes, and unfortunately it was a serious contemplation for me daily way back when. (Now to answer it more in depth! =p) Heck it's been probably 5 years since I really thought about things like that though.  I don't know if many of my friends or even family know this but I suffer from Major Depression which is a little different than Clinical Depression.  I used to be on a couple of different medication back in my teen years.  Even was in therapy for 6 months or more.  I hurt myself to take away a lot of the pain I felt and thought that life wasn't worth it anymore. In fact there were a lot of things I did or tried to do I'm not proud of in hopes of escaping life.  

But what I am proud of is that I was able to learn to manage it on my own.  I hated what the medication did to me, it made me feel numb and even more alone.  So, I chose to fight and work at things to help myself without the medication.  It's a battle and something that needs to be watched daily.  There are lots of things I "use" to cope with it like riding my dirt bike, as of the last 6 months it's been my babies.  They were really worried I'd get PPD (Postpartum Depression), but in all honesty these girls have made it that much easier to get through the days.  It was, I'll admit, very hard while they were in the hospital but they were my reason for getting out of bed to go see them. 

My husband has been a huge back bone as well, he can tell when I have harder days than others, or I simply tell him myself and together we figure out what to do.  

I don't mind talking about what I used to do if asked, in fact I've helped a  couple girls I know who used to hurt themselves too because of my experience with it.  It makes me feel good that I can help others, on top of I'm able to control how I feel through my own, "therapy". 

ANYWAY--enough of the blah... :)

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