"I can't imagine having two at one time..." - This is something I actually get told quite often.
Let me first start off by saying, being a mom or dad in general is hard, it's scary, it's amazing, we get to experience things no others can. I've enjoyed the great things and the terrible things of being a mom and being a mom of twins. I miss things and wish for things just like anyone else. But I really want to try and break down why to me it is shocking to hear a mom of a singleton say "Having two at once would just be so much harder I'm sure..." because to me, you've got it backwards.
It was recently brought up and when I responded to her 'twins would be so hard' comment with, "No way! Having one at a time is scary and props to you for doing so!". Now what do I mean by that? I mean, you to me are the stronger woman. Not that us moms of multiples aren't super strong too, but in different ways.
Needless to say she was shocked, she insisted twins is double the work, double the trouble. Now it is. But what I pointed out to her kind of opened her eyes to how amazingly important she is. How much stronger in certain ways she is compared to me.
The respect I have and the struggles I imagine singleton mothers go through is too damn high. You (singleton) mothers don't give yourselves enough credit. You have one human being who knows no one else but you. They rely on you and they look for you for not only survival but fun, attention, love. Even if you have a 1yr old and a 2yr old they often are requiring individual attention in individual ways.
No I'm not saying twins are the same person and not individuals, but there is a difference. There is a difference in how we interact with them compared to how we would interact with a single child. They both want to talk with us, they both want to tell us about each others day. They stick up for one another. They help with each others stories or experiences. They are individuals but also a package deal. It's so hard to explain but trust me, it's a real thing.
If we are busy they are playing with one another without much fuss and fight either. Sometimes I watch them make up stories and play new games and think to myself how lucky they are to be with one another. How amazingly lucky are they to have their best friend built in. Someone they can always go to for comfort and questions when mom and dad aren't around.
So as they grow older, the easier the changes seem to be. They rely on one another a lot. Often that kind of is hard to handle when they don't come to me when they are scared but turn to their sister instead. It's rewarding and hard all at the same time.
Then on the other hand I think of all the times we've missed out on that one on one interaction that you would get with a singleton. I envy the mothers who got to hold their babies right away. Who got to cuddle and feel their warmth and cries. I envy the moms who got to focus solely on one child for a good period of time. You know, really get to learn that child in and out. While we juggled between two constantly.
I'm not complaining, no not at all. I'm just saying that we all have different scenarios and from all sides we all envy or wish for different or certain things some times. So when I hear a mom say they have it easy with their 2 year old compared to my two 6 year olds. I can't help but think, Lady, you have no idea how strong and wonderful you really are!
Stop feeling guilty or being hard on yourself for whatever reason and realize that we are all fighting to be our children's hero's and we are all going to make mistakes and we are all going to go through so really really hard times. Does that mean I have it easy? No. Does that mean that you do? No way.
What it means is, to me, you're the bomb.com. It honestly is a fear of mine that I will not even have close as enough love or attention inside me to handle a child on their own. It's stopped me in my tracks when thinking of possibly having a 3rd.
I know I didn't explain or say things the way they needed to be said but if you take anything away from this take away the fact that:
Even if we both may have the grass is greener syndrome every now and then. You're awesome, I'm awesome, we are all awesome! No matter how different the situations are and we should cherish every stinking (literally), dirty, angry, loving moment of it.