Pumpkin carving, moments, and LOVE.

The annual pumpkin carving took place just the other weekend.  Although the girls didn't carve a pumpkin we got to spend some time with them exploring my grandpas backyard.  

They really loved playing with all the leaves and seeing the huge turkeys waddle by.

Lately,  things have been a bit of a struggle for me.  We aren't really sure as to what's causing it all and I'm mostly talking about it because I feel like I need a release in all that is on my mind.  A doctors appointment was even needed just to make sure nothing else could be going on like simply being anemic or something along those lines. So far blood work is normal and it must just be in my head.  It could be my school schedule, not seeing my girls as much as I'd like, the weight of getting school done quickly, changing schools, doing some side work, and much more.  The stress of everything I think is just crushing me more than usual.  As I like to say quoting my brother (teasing me of course) I'm being a pansy. Normally, I have ways of fixing the stress quickly, or finding out the issue and taking care of it.  For some reason this has just been building and wont go away.  

 I can't sleep at nights, I have anxiety attacks throughout the day, because of lack of sleep I'm exhausted all day long, I can't focus, headaches have become a part of a daily thing, the list goes on really.  

One thing I have been working really hard to do is remember in hopes of helping are moments. 

Special moments I get to spend with my family.  Most specifically moments spent with my baby girls.  Like the photos below.   

Sometimes I think we forget to remember these special times as special times.

They are moments that we will never get back and it is my goal to laugh, cry, and be most importantly happy about all these moments.  

Like the memories I have as a kid in this backyard.  In those trees is a hallow, full of old tractors, huge climbing trees, a jungle/alligator trail that my grandpa made for his grandkids.  I must not forget the huge infamous rope swing that I remember watching as the brothers spent the day putting it up and remembering the hours on end we spent as kids swinging as high as we could to touch the branches above.

 I am so very blessed for the support I am getting from my loved ones right now.  Letting me know that I'm working hard for our future and so that I can really be there more to enjoy moments like these.  So much love is in my life, it is truly amazing how something so complicated is really so simply perfect.  

My grandpa, as we were visiting, was so sweet and let me know he understood why we don't visit often, that packing up the twins and taking that time can be hard to squeeze in with a busy life.  I can't help but thank him for trying to make things seem easy and light.  But the truth is that it's those moments we would take out of our busy schedule to visit him that would be worth all the effort in the world.  

Why is it so hard to see that it is really worth the effort?  That a 100 mile car ride no matter if you commute long distances daily already, is worth that day/afternoon/evening you can spend with someone you love.  

I want to change my efforts.  Because those times are times I can push away what is going on and enjoy the moment.  

Holidays are coming up and I'm just so excited to spend time with family.  I can already feel it, the feeling of festivity.  That's rare!  I'm not a festive person, hehe.  

So, just need to keep telling myself: pick it up Hetty!  Less hum drum!  

Everything happens for a reason and the outcomes are life changing!